The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Seth: Leto's finally down, and Carolyn and I sink onto the couch, ready to just be together for five minutes. Then one of us remembers: THE NEWSLETTER!!! We have an outline for Sunday's edition and haven't written a word of the actual draft.
So instead of relaxing, we're back up with laptops out, writing rough draft after rough draft for a few hours until we finally feel like we've got something worth sending. And even then, we've still published late the next morning (you would know!).
This is what a few of our weeks look like lately: work, training, parenthood, then Friday night plans, a packed Saturday of social stuff, and somehow the newsletter gets squeezed into whatever's left. It hasn't happened more than a couple times, but by our own goal of hitting your inbox by 9:00 AM, those are failures.
We talked about it in a recent 1v1, and it would be easy to say "we need a better plan." But is that actually the problem? What if our plan breaking wasn't the failure, but rather us quitting on it?
Carolyn: Going back to Seth's point, "we need a better plan" is the wrong conversation to have. We could look at it and think, well, if we don't hit your inbox by 9am, why bother? We failed, and maybe "we just aren't cut out for this." But we try our best to look at it and think, "we're a little late" instead. That "why bother" thought process is an all-or-nothing mentality. It's the same one that tells me if I can't do an hour leg day, there's no point in working out at all. I might as well skip the whole thing, because if I'm not doing it right, what's the point?
It feels like discipline, but it's the fragile version of it, the kind that only survives if everything goes to plan. The stronger version is the one that shows up anyway, the best you can. If that means doing 15 minutes of abs on YouTube in your living room for your workout, then do it. It still counts. Every day you have the choice to add a rep in. So you have to be honest with yourself: did I get in a rep today? Or did I quit?
Seth: And to the point of being honest with yourself, you need to know yourself. I think this is where a lot of people fail. The people who are always late think they have enough time to get ready, and never do. The people who think they're going to make some big change, never do. The people who think they deserve the promotion never actually did the work to get there.
This isn't a knock on anyone specifically, we all have this flaw to some degree. I don't think anyone has 100% self-awareness. But getting as close as possible to 100% is the idea, because if you know where you might fail, you know how to better prepare and plan. Carolyn and I know, for an absolute fact, that if we go to bed late, we will never wake up on time to workout. We prioritize sleep over everything, so if for whatever reason we stay up later than anticipated, we have to shift our schedule around the next day, which sometimes means missing a workout.
The same principle applies to you. Whatever your goals are, wherever your vision is leading you, there are flaws in your plan. Flaws that you must identify and eliminate if you are to reach it. Stop thinking about willpower (something is finite and will abandon you at some point) and instead reframe your identity and optimize your environment. The truth must be said - you are your main obstacle. You are the main thing getting in the way of your advancement. Snuff out what is holding you back, and make the necessary changes to reach your potential.
Carolyn: One of the things that has helped us is deciding what our Plan B, our Plan C, and yes, our Plan D look like for a workout, for your baby starting solids (lol, this is for us), or even for a newsletter. Before you start something, decide what the minimum version looks like in case Plan A goes sideways. The idea isn't to figure it out when you run out of time, it's to be honest, real, and specific about it now.
That way, when it's 9pm and you're exhausted, you're not standing there deciding in the moment whether the whole thing is even worth finishing. You already decided. The contingency plans were set days ago: get 10k steps in, even if that means walking laps around your house and calling it an "indoor walk." Even if it's late. That's the difference between quitting and adapting, showing up in some form is what counts, not showing up exactly as planned. You have to decide what "good enough" looks like before you need it.
Seth: The main thing I would say at this point is that having backup plans is not an excuse to coast. Yes, you will have to adapt and make things work from time to time, but that should not become the norm. The norm should be something close to Plan A, because if you're always on Plan C or D, something is wrong.
"Good enough" is great in times of need, but it is not what we are after. Hopefully our readers are with us for the ride, because we are not here to be a "good enough" version of ourselves. We are here to be our best selves, and anything short of that is failure. So make realistic plans and adapt when the time calls for it.
Carolyn: I'll be the first to admit, I love a plan. I've said it before, but I like a routine. I don't like failing, and yes, when I don't do what I said I was going to do, a small part of me feels like I failed. But then I check it against what actually happened. Was I just being lazy? No, I woke up, did a workout, went to a baby shower, met up with friends in the afternoon, we all went to dinner, then Seth and I came home, fed Leto, read to him, and put him down.
So how can I be mad I didn't write the newsletter earlier? I look at my backup plan instead, and I do what I can with what I have. Seth's right that we're not chasing "good enough" as the goal, we still want to be our best selves, and most days, that means showing up as Plan A. But "most days" isn't "every day," and pretending otherwise is how you end up quitting the first time life doesn't cooperate. We might not always hit your inbox by 9am. Leto might not always eat what's on his spoon. But we keep going, in whatever form the day allows. Those are my reps. Most of the time they're big, but every now and then they're small, and just like in the gym, they add up.
Seth: I'm sure some of you have heard this, but the goal is to never deviate from Plan A two days in a row. Miss one day, but never two. One day is adaptation, two days is a habit change. So whatever your Plan A is, don't miss two consecutive days this week.
Carolyn: Then work to make sure your goals align with who you actually are. Don't set expectations for a version of yourself that doesn't exist. If 4:30am workouts aren't realistic for you, that's okay, find the time that actually is, and build your plan around that person, not the one you wish you were.
Both: So: don't miss two days in a row, and don't build a plan for a person who doesn't exist. That's it. That's the whole system.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
"A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week."
George S. Patton
