The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Carolyn: While sitting in traffic after picking up Leto from Montessori, Seth goes: "You ever notice every other car is either black or white?"
I thought, no way, that can't be right. As I watched traffic come to a halt, I saw it, he was right. It wasn't every other car, it was almost every car. A whole highway at a standstill of black, white, gray, silver, then gray again, white again, black again. I couldn't stop seeing it. Then I realized my car, the one we are driving in right now, is white.
When did we all collectively decide to be the same color?
Seth: Unfortunately, I have had 3 cars in my life and they've been white, black, and now beige. BORING. And even more unfortunate is that everyone is boring: grayscale cars (white/black/gray/silver) are 80.4% of the market today, up from 47.3% in 1996. The funny thing is that sports cars are the one segment that resisted this, with over a third still sold in non-grayscale colors, because a sports car's entire function is to announce something about its driver.
Mad props to those people whose car is a different color, because everyone else is choosing the safe choice. You chose the color you wanted, not the one other people wanted. And this isn't limited to just cars, even though it's an easy example.
Carolyn: If you know me, you know I am not the most creative person. I was never the kid drawing outside the lines, I was using only realistic colors, and always following the rules of the assignment...what do you mean, you did something else? That didn't make sense to my 5 year old brain and it honestly doesn't make a lot of sense to me now.
So yeah, I own a white car. In fact my college car (shoutout Honda!) was also white. This is Grayscale Living: making the choice that's easiest to walk back, easiest to blend into, least likely to get you noticed. Looking back, I thought getting the black interior was me living dangerously...in Texas?! Talk about living life on the edge.
The older I have gotten, the more I suddenly care less what other people think. Maybe it comes with age? Or being certain in who you are? I'm not sure, but what I can say is that I no longer want a white car (I'm thinking green for the next!). This is not to say with age I have gotten more creative, what I mean is I am just living the life that I want. Not thinking about resale value, not worried about blending in, if I like it, I do it. Safe and alive aren't the same thing.
Seth: I like that last line - safe and alive aren't the same thing. I mean, why play it safe? Sure, don't put your life savings on the Cowboys winning the Super Bowl, but there is no "trying" to be yourself. Trying assumes there is a gap between who you actually are and the performance you're putting on. You either are or you aren't something.
I'm a sports guy, and it's not limited to one sport. I'm extremely knowledgeable in a half dozen sports and know a lot about another half dozen. I still play hockey, soccer, tennis, golf, and basketball. I weight lift and run. So how do I dress? In athletic wear 90% of the time. I don't try to pretend when it comes to my wardrobe, and anyone who hangs out with me knows it.
Being your authentic self isn't something that can be manufactured. You start asking yourself "Do I like this?" rather than "How will this make me look?". You get rid of all the expectations other's put on you, all of the borrowed opinions that aren't yours, and choose the passions that excite you. This newsletter is a byproduct of that thinking. We aren't the best writers, and we may sound silly sometimes, but we wanted to create something that could help others, so we did it.
Carolyn: If trying is just the gap between who you are and who you're performing, here's how you actually close it. Let's play a game. It's only three questions, and you can run them on literally anything: a decision, a habit, a guilt you can't shake.
- Would I still do this if no one was watching?
- Am I doing this because it's actually me, or because it's what I "should" do?
- Is this true, or is it just the version of things I've absorbed from everywhere else?
I'll go first. On a Saturday, I was off work but my work email was blowing up and I needed to get work done. As soon as I pulled out my laptop and started to focus, a nagging guilty voice showed up saying "you should be in there with him" as I watched Leto playing by himself in the living room.
Run it through the game. Would I still feel guilty if nobody was watching me not-play with him? Honestly, yes, a little (that one doesn't let me off easy). Am I about to go entertain him because he needs it, or because a good mom "would"? That one's easier, he's fine, he doesn't need me every second. And is it true, or absorbed from all the instagram reels telling me I'm not doing enough as a mom? Also easier, independent play is actually good for him. I'm not supposed to be his entertainment for every waking minute.
Two out of three questions clear it. So play the game with your own thing. Whatever you're doing or not doing, or dreading, or forcing. Run it through the three questions and see how many of them survive.
Seth: Something I conveniently forgot to mention was that the grayscale trend with the cars plateaued in 2025, when sales of green cars actually doubled! Maybe people are getting tired of playing it safe. Or maybe they just like green. Who knows?
That's kind of the point though. The goal isn't to buy a green car just because everyone else is buying a white one. That would just be another way of letting everyone else make your decisions for you. The goal is to know what you like, what you value, and what kind of life you want to live. Then have the courage to make choices that reflect those things, even when they're different from what everyone around you is doing.
So maybe that actually is the white car (my brother's favorite color is white, so he gets a pass). Maybe it's wearing the ridiculous shirt, reading the fantasy novel, or watching manga. Whether you choose the conventional choice or not, make the choice for you. We all have one life to live, so don't let everyone else pick your personality. The world only has one you after all.
Carolyn: Run the three questions on something this week, a decision, a habit, a guilt you can't shake and see if you're living according to other people's expectations.
Seth: If you are living according to someone else's expectations, make the choice to change it. Do the thing that brings you joy and happiness.
Both: If this hit different, send it to someone who's been playing it a little too safe. And if you're not subscribed yet, join us! One email a week, zero grayscale ๐.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
โThe StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
โBe yourself; everyone else is already taken.โ
Oscar Wilde
โ