The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Life Hinges on Chance
- Gratitude Through Perspective
- Love Your Fate
Carolyn: Normally when we write these newsletters we have a topic on our minds and at the end, we find a quote that fits it. Today, however, we are going backwards. I was reading a quote and a follow up question from another newsletter and I immediately knew I wanted to talk about it this week. Upton Sinclair wrote:
"Now and then it occurs to one to reflect upon what slender threads of accident depend the most important circumstances of his life; to look back and shudder, realizing how close to the edge of nothingness his being has come."
I read that and immediately started running the tape backward on my own life. We all have those big planned milestones that happen in our lives, but what I was looking for was the moments that could have gone a hundred different ways. The ones that fate, luck or chance stepped in, the ones that just...happened. And I find it absolutely fascinating that somehow those are the ones holding up everything else.
So I am inviting you, here, right now, to sit with us and think about:
Is meaning diminished when existence appears precariously accidental, or intensified by its nearness to nonexistence?
We've got some thoughts. We also have a story, one that's about as "slender thread" as it gets for us.
Seth: We've touched on this before, but one of our most implemented Stoic philosophies is Amor Fati, which means to love one's fate. It's not about simply accepting what happens or saying "it is what it is", it's embracing every single thing as necessary.
The reason for this is that in order for you to be reading this newsletter right now, billions of things came together to make it happen. Every moment of your life has led you here, to this moment. Even the existence of this newsletter is crazy when I think about it. I matched with a girl on a dating app in 2020 (one swipe among thousands of options) and now we're writing a weekly newsletter together. That thread is about as slender as they come! In all the different realities, is this the only one where The StoWicks exists? Is it the only one where you exist as you are today?
Carolyn: Here's the most personal example I've got. Seth and I went to Italy in May of last year to celebrate our 3-year anniversary. We wanted to see the world, eat good food, and drink amazing wine as we celebrated our life together. A few weeks after we returned, we found out I was pregnant. At the time, it felt like an accident layered on top of a fun vacation. The timing was a little off for us. We'd been hoping for this a year or two later, but here I was, taking a third pregnancy test because the other two positive tests felt like they had to be a fluke.
And that's how we ended up with our son Leto. So when I read the Sinclair quote, I thought to myself: does knowing it was "chance" change how we feel about Leto now? Spoiler alert: no, but it's more complicated than that. If you've ever had a "wrong time" turn into the best thing that happened to you, you know the feeling.
Seth: Carolyn and Leto are definitely the best things to ever happen to me, and it's easy to be grateful for them every day when I know that our family's existence hinged on many slender threads.
Every time Leto smiles or laughs or rolls (yes, he's rolling now!), I can't help but think of everything that came before him. If one decision had been different, in all of my 32 years of existence, he would not be here.
Going back to Sinclair's choice of the word "shudder", I understand why he chose it but don't necessarily agree. He looks at the past and chooses fear of what could have been - nonexistence. I look at the past and don't see any other possibility. This is how it was supposed to happen, all of it. The good, the bad, and everything in between is what has made up my life and yours.
Carolyn: So I am now going to ask you, dear reader: is meaning diminished or intensified by nearness to nonexistence? In my personal opinion, it could be argued either way, but for the most part, I'd say that proximity to nonexistence is what creates meaning. The value is relational, and it makes you aware of the scarcity. A guaranteed outcome wouldn't carry the same weight.
The fact that Leto almost wasn't here is almost unbelievable to consider, but the randomness isn't a footnote to his existence, it's part of why his existence feels...miraculous. I think sometimes we forget that these seemingly random, often chaotic parts of life are exactly what deserve our gratitude, not despite the randomness, but because of it.
Maybe you have your own version of Leto, a moment that felt random but turned out to be pivotal.
Seth: When I think about Carolyn, about my son, about this newsletter and the endless variables that produced all of it, the main feeling I get is closer to stillness.
Amor Fati isn't about pretending the randomness wasn't there. It's about looking at all of it and recognizing that this is exactly what your life was made of. Not in spite of the accidents, but through them. The threads were slender, but they held. And what they're holding up is everything.
Carolyn: Your turn! Is there a moment in your life that felt like an accident at the time, but turned out to be one of the threads everything else is tied to? It doesn't have to be a big, dramatic story. Sometimes it's a wrong turn, a last-minute decision, a text you almost didn't send. Just to notice it and practice some gratitude.
Seth: I just want each and every one of you to not rush the ordinary moments this week. Nothing is guaranteed, so what does happen is worth paying attention to.
Both: If this issue made you pause the way Sinclair's quote made us pause (if it got you thinking about your own "slender threads") do us a favor and forward it to one person. A friend, a partner, someone who'd appreciate the rabbit hole as much as you did.
It's a little fitting, actually. You never know which forwarded email turns into someone's new Sunday habit, another one of those small, random things that ends up mattering more than you'd expect.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
“Now and then it occurs to one to reflect upon what slender threads of accident depend the most important circumstances of his life; to look back and shudder, realizing how close to the edge of nothingness his being has come.”
Upton Sinclair
