The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Seth: Ask who understands temptation best, and most people would point to the person who gives in the most. They've spent the most time with it, after all! But that confuses familiarity with understanding, doesn't it? Think of a boat that always drifts with the current. Its crew would never be able to tell you how strong the current is because they never rowed against it.
To us, the person who always caves to temptation never learns how strong it really is. The person who holds firm and resists? That's a different story entirely.
Carolyn: You're deep in a dream when a loud, blaring noise starts repeating itself, so relentlessly that you can't ignore it. Where is that coming from? Then it hits you: it's your alarm. "No! It can't be time to wake up already?!" You swat around your nightstand, searching for the "off" button. Silence. Now you have a choice: stay in bed, warm and comfy, or get up like you said you would. A little voice in your head asks, Are you really going to break a promise to yourself before the sun is even up? Feeling like you might cry (because let's be real, who is happy to wake up when it's still pitch black outside), you get up. You hit the 5am workout, shower, and get ready for work, and the hardest part of your day is already over. Because the rest of the day? I get to work on jets and then hang out with my baby. Sign me up!
But that feeling, that urge to stay in bed? It's temptation at its finest. It can grow louder, make its case, and convince you that giving in is the only reasonable option. What's fascinating is how often we give in before we've given ourselves a chance to see what happens next. People who constantly give in cave early, so they only ever know the opening version of the urge, and they assume it's unbeatable. The test is simple then: can you hold out and see what happens next?
Seth: A common misconception about Stoicism is that its followers are supposed to be devoid of emotion, or eliminate every feeling as it arises. That's not the goal. The practice is to create a gap between our first impression and our first action.
The first impression might be anxiety, stress, boredom, sadness, or any number of emotions. When they come up, you are tempted to do something. Stressed? Eat. Lonely? Watch porn. Bored? Start scrolling on your phone. In all cases, there is a quick fix for the emotion, and the urge to act is strongest at the beginning. Everything in your brain is telling you to move forward with the instant gratification, but that's exactly where you need to pause and examine it. But what comes after that initial phase of temptation?
Carolyn: Ah, good question! The answer is negotiation. Temptation typically doesn't take no for an answer, it just changes tactics. So you're lying in bed after that first alarm, and the first voice is simple: I want to stay in bed. Five more minutes sounds incredible! But you're strong, so you hold your ground, and the voice tries a new angle: I deserve to stay in bed. I've worked hard all week, and I've earned this sleep. You still don't move. Now the voice says: It's really not that bad if you miss one workout. You can do it after work, and you'll have more time. And when that fails, it plays its last card: I'll start again tomorrow. Tomorrow-you is so motivated, so disciplined, so well-rested. (Funny how he/she never actually shows up.)
Notice that the conclusion never changes through all four voices. Nothing about your situation shifted between the first voice and the last, only the reasons did. Stay in bed is the answer every time, and the argument is just whatever gets you there. That's the tell. The reasons keep swapping out, but the conclusion stays the same. Once you can name the voice ("Oh, that's the I deserve this voice"), you have the opportunity to take charge instead of taking orders from it.
Seth: This is the paradox at the heart of it. You can't have a close relationship with something you obey the moment it speaks. That's not a relationship, it's servitude. Knowing temptation well requires enough separation to observe it: to notice it arrive, name it, feel its full weight, and still choose.
That doesn't mean people who resist temptation are superhuman or that they never fail. Most have lost plenty of rounds, and those losses are part of the education. The difference is that they keep showing up to the contest instead of conceding it in advance. They have enough evidence of winning that they try over and over again. No one beats temptation every time, but you can win most rounds.
Carolyn: Let's bring it back to that 5am alarm. There are two versions of you: the one who stayed in bed, got five more minutes of sleep, and walked away with a very convincing argument; and the one who got up and experienced the whole story - the pull, the pitch, the break, and a day that started with a win. Both of them met temptation, but only one of them actually got to know it. How well you know temptation depends on how long you're willing to resist it. The urge is loudest at the start, and the start is the part most people never get past. What's waiting on the other side is the chance to prove that an urge doesn't get to make your decisions.
Seth: The next time temptation hits, give yourself 30 seconds before acting. That's it. Notice what your mind says, what excuse it offers, and whether you still want to do the same thing once you've had a moment to think.
Carolyn: And if you want to take it a step further, make it tomorrow morning's alarm. When it goes off, don't decide anything yet. Wait it out and listen for which voice shows up first. Then tell us what you heard. Reply to this email and let us know which voice got you.
Both: Temptation has a lot to say, and you don't have to answer it right away. Listen, then decide.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
"No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good."
C.S. Lewis
