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The Value of Writing

The StoWicks Conversations

by

Carolyn and Seth Wicks

Seth: Something I've been doing for a few years now is keeping a daily journal. At this point, it's over 250 pages long and over 100,000 words. I read a dozen emails per day centered around self-improvement, which not only gives me great material for this newsletter, but also for upping my own game. I write down what I learned from each, and then end the day with something else I learned or practiced. Here is an example:

This daily practice has elevated my mind, body, and soul tremendously. I used to be competitive about everything, and now I'm competitive only about things that matter. I used to have a temper and road rage (which I've talked about), and both have simmered down. I've written 91 consecutive newsletters without fail. The only way this has all been possible? Daily writing.

Carolyn: I can't count the number of times my parents told me to write something down so I wouldn't forget it. What sounded like an annoying chore as a kid turned out to be the thing that saves me as an adult. Whether it's a grocery list or a story I wanted to bring up in an interview, there's real power in writing things down.

It's kind of interesting to think about it like a gathering and elevating of your thoughts. Writing forces your brain to sort and connect information in ways it wouldn't on its own. Putting something into words often makes you notice a link you'd otherwise have missed. And once an idea is staring back at you on paper (or on your notes app) instead of rattling around in your head along with the rest of your day, it gets clearer. Clearer ideas lead to new ideas and creativity.

Seth: Another huge benefit of writing is stress relief. Before going to bed, one thing I'll do is look at my calendar for the next day and write down what my 3 most important tasks will be. It might seem small, but it really helps me sleep when I know exactly where I should focus tomorrow. It takes the burden of keeping it all in my head and puts it on paper.

Something else that helps us in our marriage is talking and writing about what worries us. As my own journal talks about above, life is full of roadblocks and struggles and obstacles to overcome. If all of it is floating around your head all day, you might go insane. However, writing these things down on paper shrinks them. And as a bonus tip? Keep a "Wins" or "Hard Things Accomplished" list. Personally I keep the second one, and it is a fantastic reminder to myself of how much I've not only dealt with, but triumphed over. I've gone through hard things and been forged stronger, and I'm sure each one of you has dozens of examples for yourself. Write them down and see how self-view changes.

Carolyn: The older we get, the more I realize just how much our parents must have been writing down. They remembered every cousin's birthday and sent you a reminder to call or text (and still do). They remembered what you mentioned liking back in July and somehow had it wrapped under the tree by Christmas Eve. Plans with friends, lists of things to do, it was a superpower they had that I'm only now, as an adult, learning to appreciate.

Because there's a lot going on in life. You're navigating a loss one month and celebrating a new baby the next. Friends are getting married, buying houses, changing jobs. And that's before you even get to trying to eat healthy, work out, do well at your job, keep up with your friends and family, get alone time with your spouse, and get enough sleep...what else am I forgetting? Yeah, you get it. It's a lot.

One of the things that's saved me is a running note on my phone, just for Seth. Any time he mentions something he wants, or would like, or even just half-jokes about, it goes in the note. By the time Christmas, his birthday, or Father's Day rolls around, I'm not scrambling. I've already got a list of ideas months in the making.

That's really what this comes down to. Some people are great at remembering the small stuff, I'm not one of them, so I write it down. And somewhere along the way, that turned into a habit, one you can build with nothing more than a pen or a phone. When you remember, people feel it. That's what makes you the friend who asks the right follow-up question, the wife who somehow always nails the gift, the person people describe as "so thoughtful", when really, you just wrote it down.

Seth: Now that we have Leto, we are almost always going to include something about kids, so get used to it! Another thing you can do is to start writing to your kids. Now I'm not going to make Leto read my entire daily journal history, that would be crazy. What I am doing, however, is keeping a note titled "Life Lessons for Leto". Here are the first 10:

1. Call your Mom. Your Dad can take silence, your Mom can’t.
2. Health is the greatest luxury you can have.
3. The easiest way to kill something special is to compare it to something else.
4. The person you will become in the next 5 years will be a direct result of your daily habits today.
5. Don’t date to change yourself. Do that on your own.
6. Take 1 epic trip every single year. If you’re lucky, you’ll at least have 50 trips.
7. Relationships work when each side is giving 60/60. 50/50 is an scorecard, 60/60 is a partnership.
8. Always negotiate.
9. Emotions aren’t bad. Actions as a result of said emotions can be bad.
10. Read daily.

The list is currently 41 lessons long, but I continually add things that stand out or that I think will benefit him to know or understand. Yes, I should teach these things to him without the list, but the list can't hurt.

Maybe for you it's writing handwritten birthday cards (my parents are the best at this) or writing them a short story. Whatever it is, you won't regret writing to your kids.

Carolyn: So, notes app or notepad on the counter? Honestly, it doesn't matter, what matters is that you write. The best system is the one that fits into your life without you having to think about it.

That said, if you're torn, here's some research: handwriting helps you process and remember more than typing does. Something about the slower, physical act of writing forces your brain to engage with the information rather than just transcribe it. So if you're debating between the two, and it's something you actually want to remember rather than just offload, paper might have a slight edge.

But don't let that stop you from starting today with whatever's easiest for you to stick to. A few things that have made this stick for us:

• Attach it to something you already do. Seth writes at night before bed. I add to Seth's gift note the second he mentions something, because if I wait, I forget it ever happened. Pair the habit with a moment that already exists in your day.
• Actually use what you wrote. A list you never look at again isn't much better than not writing it. Glance back at the gift note before you shop, check the to-do list before bed, the payoff comes from revisiting it, not just recording it.
• Keep it visible. A notepad in a drawer doesn't get used. One on the nightstand does. Same goes for apps, if you have to search for it, you won't open it.

At the end of the day, the tool doesn't matter. Paper, phone, sticky notes, the back of a receipt, it all works, as long as it's the one you'll actually reach for. So pick one, put it somewhere you'll see it, and start with just one sentence today.

Seth: Obviously the call to action is to start writing, but you might not know where to begin. That's fine if you don't! I would recommend starting a "Gratitude List" and write down 3 things you're grateful for each day. See where that takes you.

Carolyn: If a gratitude list feels like a lot, you could try: tonight, start that note for someone you love. A parent, a partner, a friend. The next time they mention something, a book, a craving, a bad day at work, write it down. You'll be shocked how much it changes the way you show up for them.

Both: We are curious if you have any life lessons you would add to Leto's list. Reply to this email and send us your best!

See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
​The StoWicks

Quote of the Week:

"I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear."

Joan Didion

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