The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Identity Drives Behavior
- Systems Beat Willpower
- Measure Consistency
Carolyn: We haven't figured out time travel yet, but there is one thing Seth and I keep coming back to that actually lets you take care of your future self.
We have all been there. You hang out with friends too late, you come home exhausted, and all you want to do is fall into bed. But before I do, I take out my contacts, do my skincare routine, put my dirty laundry in the basket, and put my closet back together after the chaos of finding an outfit. Five minutes, maybe eight.
The next morning I wake up, my skin looks great, my closet is clean, and my day is already lighter because of what I chose to do the night before. I helped my future self. And that's a very small example of what we're talking about today.
The idea is every habit, every decision, every thought you have is either moving you toward the best version of yourself or it isn't. A lot of what we cover in this newsletter is aimed at that gap, the space between the person you are and the person you want to be. Helping your future self is what actually closes it.
Seth: You are what you pay attention to. I think everyone has heard this phrase, but I want everyone to read it again and think about it for a few seconds: You are what you pay attention to.
It might sound like fluff, but there is real science to back it up. The RAS (Reticular Activating System) is a network of neurons in your brainstem that acts as your brain's filter or gatekeeper. Every second, your senses take in roughly 11 million bits of information, but your conscious mind can only process about 40-50 bits. The RAS decides what makes the cut. It looks for threats and the unusual, but it also prioritizes whatever you've trained it to care about.
Think about the Red Car Theory. It basically states that when you focus your attention on something (such as red cars), you start noticing them everywhere, when previously you never noticed them at all. For us, we are health-conscious (hopefully that's obvious based on our other 77 newsletters), so we constantly gravitate to the healthy options on menus, at the grocery store, or for new recipes. We've been doing this for years now, so we almost never even look at the dessert menu unless it's an anniversary dinner or special occasion. I don't need chocolate cake or ice cream 4x/week!
That's our RAS at work. For you, if you start thinking and acting like your future self, your RAS starts finding evidence that person already exists. Opportunities, people, habits, and moments that were always there suddenly become visible. Instead of thinking it's all luck or coincidence, you now understand it's really just programming.
Carolyn: Seth mentioned the RAS, here's what's happening underneath that. Your brain is also physically changing based on what you repeatedly think and do. Neuroplasticity means your neural pathways literally rewire around your habits and thoughts. The "future self" we're talking about is biology.
This is actually where manifesting gets interesting. I know, Seth and I have been going down a podcast rabbit hole on it, and yes, I hear you: "Carolyn, you love science, manifesting isn't real." But dig into the science and you might be surprised. A lot of it comes back to identity. If you genuinely see yourself as a healthy person, you naturally gravitate toward healthy food and movement. It's not willpower, discipline, or motivation that gets you there, it's you genuinely, and I mean you need to feel it in your bones, believing you are this type of person. Your brain finds evidence for whatever identity you feed it.
This brings in the James Clear idea: behavior follows identity, not the other way around. You don't wait to get the result and then become the person. You decide who you are first, and the actions follow. Which means the question isn't "how do I build better habits?", it's "who am I becoming?".
Seth: And that's really the question worth sitting with: Who are you becoming? Because every action you take is a vote for or against the person you're claiming to be. That's what most people miss. It's not the big dramatic moments that define you, it's the everyday decisions nobody's watching. What you eat, how you spend your evenings, whether you pick up your phone or pick up a book.
There are no neutral choices. Every decision either serves your future self or costs him. And look, I get that instant gratification is real. The easy option is always right there. But that's the tension we're all living in. What feels good now versus what you'll be grateful for later. The question that changed things for me was simple: Would my future self make this choice?
That's it. Run every decision through that filter. The food, the screen time, the conversations you have or avoid, and it gets a lot clearer, a lot faster. And here's what really helped me personally. I have a family now. And the moment that became real, I stopped having the luxury of only thinking about myself. Every choice I make either builds something for them or takes something from them, and it's the most clarifying thing I've ever had.
So if you don't have that yet, find your version of it. Find the thing that makes the easy way out feel unacceptable. Because once you do, the decisions get a lot easier.
Carolyn: Think about any relationship that matters to you. You don't just do whatever is easiest in the moment, you think about the other person. What do they need? How does my choice affect them? Your future self deserves that same consideration.
For me, that looks like this: when I get home after a long day, I wash the dishes in the sink and get Leto's bottle washer set up before Seth brings him home from daycare. It takes ten minutes. But when they walk through the door, I'm not scrambling, I'm just present and Seth doesn't have to do it. The environment is already set up for the version of my evening I actually want. That's not discipline. That's design.
Your future self builds systems that make the right choice the easy choice. Want to work out in the morning? Set your clothes out the night before, fill your water bottle, put it by the door. Remove the friction. Make it stupid easy to show up for yourself.
And here is another way to think about this, from Dan Sullivan's concept of the Gap vs. the Gain. Most of us measure ourselves from where we want to be, which means we always feel behind. That's exhausting. Future self works to flip that. You measure from where you started. You look back at who you were a year ago, six months ago, even last week, and you recognize the progress you've already made. That's how you stay motivated long enough to actually become the person you're working toward.
Seth: That's something that really sticks with me - Carolyn and I started this journey 5 years ago when we did 75 Hard for the first time, but we knew where it would take us. We knew we would be better because of the challenge, and we also knew we would finish it. We could visualize the outcome in our mind, and that helped us when we wavered.
Elite athletes live this. They've visualized the shot, the race, the moment thousands of times before it's ever real. So when the pressure hits, their brain doesn't panic, it recognizes it. They've already been there.
That's what consistent practice does. It's building a memory your future self can borrow from. Every time you do the hard thing when you don't feel like it, you're making a deposit. And when the moment that actually counts shows up, you're not hoping you can do it. You already know you can because you've already done it. The reps you put in today are the confidence you draw from tomorrow.
Carolyn: This week, I want you to get clarity. Ask yourself: Who is my future self, and what does she actually look like? Get specific. How does she spend her mornings? What does she eat? How does she show up in her relationships? Write it down. You can't build toward a person you haven't defined yet.
Seth: Following Carolyn's advice, when your motivation falls off and you start questioning your path, go back to this newsletter and gain clarity on what actually matters. Sometimes we lose our focus, and this newsletter can help you get it back.
Both: If this resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. The person who comes to mind first? That's probably exactly who needs it. Forward this along...your future self would.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then act accordingly.”
Epictetus
