The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Build Multiple Pillars
- Hobbies Are Needed
- Complexity Makes You Durable
Carolyn: I have two questions for you: What quality do you build your entire identity around? And if that quality was taken away from you for whatever reason, would you feel lost?
So many people build their identity around one thing. Their career. Their fitness. Their relationship. Their role as a parent. Their success. While those things can absolutely provide meaning and purpose, the danger comes when one pillar becomes the only thing holding you up. Because life happens, seasons change, circumstances shift, and if the one thing you define yourself by suddenly disappears, it can leave you feeling confused and lost.
Today, we want to talk about the importance of building a life with depth and complexity. We want to become people with multiple passions, perspectives, and to be unshakable when life happens.
Seth: To Carolyn's point, the unshakable will happen. For me, it was back in college when my main pillar was being a part of the Texas A&M football team. It meant the world to me to represent our school and play at the university I had always dreamed of attending. When that was taken from me, I was lost. Obviously I still cared about grades and friends and family, but football at the time was #1. It took me a long time to get over losing my main pillar.
For other people, their one pillar may be work, or a specific hobby (we all know the player taking the rec league way too serious), or their significant other. No matter what it is, you need to build more than one pillar with the understanding that if one is taken away, you'll survive and figure it out. This type of resilience comes from having multiple sources of meaning.
Carolyn: I will be the first to say that up until several years ago, I only had one pillar: being an engineer. If that had ever been taken away from me, especially early in my career, I know I would have been absolutely devastated.
Over time, and honestly thanks to Seth, I started weightlifting and found another piece of myself through fitness. Maybe a few years ago I would have said my identity was built around engineering and fitness. While that was better than having only one pillar, there still was not much holding me up if one of those disappeared.
Now, I’d like to think my role as a wife and mom has become another huge part of my identity, but it hasn’t diminished my passion for my career or my love of fitness. I’ve just added more pillars. Even now, I’m intentionally trying to diversify my interests. Seth and I both read every single day. We write together and use that as a creative outlet. We love traveling and hope to continue exploring the world with our son.
I think adulthood can slowly turn people into machines: work, parent, sleep, repeat. The older we get, the more people seem to stop exploring curiosity, creativity, or play because life feels too busy. And trust me, working full time, prioritizing fitness, and raising a three-month-old is not easy. But I genuinely believe hobbies, learning, creativity, and simple interests help keep people mentally alive and emotionally balanced. Honestly, I think they make me a better mom.
So if that means dropping Leto off at his infant Montessori program on Friday's when I’m off work, not just to run errands and handle household tasks, but also to make time for creativity, reflection, or small things I personally enjoy, then I think that is healthy for all of us.
Some of the healthiest things in life exist simply because they bring you joy. Not everything has to lead somewhere. Sometimes a hobby is valuable simply because it reminds you that you are more than your job title, your responsibilities, or what you produce for other people.
Seth: I fully believe that having a hobby with zero utility is a great pillar for anyone. Being a sports fan is an appropriate example. Yes, you are technically getting something out of it because you're probably watching with friends and enjoying your team's games, but being a sports fan doesn't actually lead you anywhere or gain you anything. It's just a hobby that people enjoy, and that is enough.
In addition to the "fun hobbies" pillar, there are various pillars you can center your identity around to create a solid foundation:
- Marriage/family
- Faith/spirituality
- Physical health
- Friendships/community
- Learning/growth
- Service/helping others
You may already think you have all of these, but if you only work or focus on one pillar, the rest start to crumble. When your identity rests on multiple pillars, losing one no longer destroys you. Complexity makes you harder to break.
Carolyn: If you know me, you know I never wanted to just be a mom, just be focused on my career, or just be one thing. Don't get me wrong, I think those roles are meaningful on their own, but I believe freedom comes from having depth as a person.
As humans, the moment we define ourselves as only one thing, we start limiting who we can become. I want to evolve. I want to grow. I want to continue developing new sides of myself throughout every stage of life. I want to be a great mom, but also a great wife, engineer, writer, traveler, learner, athlete, and friend. I don’t think those identities compete with each other, I think they strengthen each other. I think they show our son that his mom is capable of whatever she sets her mind to.
Growth comes from allowing yourself to expand over time instead of trapping yourself inside one label for the rest of your life. Your identity should grow as you grow. There is an entire world out there filled with things to learn, places to explore, people to connect with, and experiences to have. Don’t shrink yourself down to only one dimension when life has so much more to offer.
Seth: So the next time someone asks, "What do you do?", maybe don't answer with your occupation. Answer with something you've been working on outside of it, such as a woodworking project or learning the piano. I love my job at CEVA, but I also love writing this newsletter every week and talk about it frequently.
The last thing I want to leave you with is for you to remember that life is beautiful because of change, because nothing lasts forever. It's why most people wouldn't choose immortality over a normal life, because it being finite is what makes it worthwhile and meaningful. So when change does happen, when a pillar is removed or taken, find solace in the fact that you experienced the pillar at all.
Carolyn: This week, make time for something that reminds you who you are outside of your responsibilities. Read the book. Take the class. Go for the walk. Reconnect with the parts of yourself that make you feel alive.
Seth: If your biggest pillar disappeared today, who would you be? Spend some time today reflecting on the answer.
Both: Forward this newsletter to someone who may need the reminder that they are more than just one role, one title, or one season of life.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
“Be who you are and become what you are capable of.”
Johann Wolfgang van Goethe
