The StoWicks Conversations
by
Seth and Carolyn Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Ego is the Enemy
- Find What Serves You
- Embrace Being Wrong
Carolyn: In our 34th newsletter, we talked about What it Takes to Change. The habits, the environment, and the systems that support transformation. But this one’s different.
Because sometimes, the hardest thing to change isn’t our behavior, it’s our mind.
Think about it: changing a habit requires discipline. Changing your mind requires humility. It asks you to question everything you thought you knew (or you have convinced yourself of) to admit that maybe, just maybe, there’s another way to see it.
The smartest, most grounded people I know aren’t the ones who hold their beliefs the tightest…they’re the ones who stay curious enough to let those beliefs evolve.
How we think is just as important as what we do.
Seth: One of our favorite books is Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. In it, he talks about something that made me self-reflect after reading: Ego is the thing that convinces us we already know enough. Spoiler alert: We don't. None of us do. How could we? There is an infinite amount of information at our fingertips and no way to gain it all. Even someone who is a master at one craft is a novice in most others. You wouldn't trust a financial advisor with your foundation repair, or your dentist with delivering your newborn.
I've been in the transportation industry for 10 years and I'm still learning. Carolyn has worked in the defense industry for over 6 years and is still learning. One thing we stress to each other each morning is to have an open mind each day. Our identities are not rooted in any beliefs, because those beliefs can be changed. Is it hard? Absolutely. For anyone who has held a belief for 5, 10, or 20 years, changing your mind about it almost feels like losing a piece of your identity. But that's exactly the problem and the solution. People should be changing, evolving, growing. Don't root your identity in something that is not an absolute, in something that depends on perspective and circumstance. Be willing to listen to others and be open to what they have to say. Who knows, you might just learn something!
Carolyn: When new evidence or better perspectives arrive, being willing to update your thinking is one of the greatest strengths you can develop. Some people see changing their mind as “flip-flopping", but it should be seen as evolving. It means you’re paying attention. You’re not so attached to being right that you miss the opportunity to get it right.
The reality is, the world is constantly changing and so are we. What served you five years ago may not serve you now. The belief that once protected you, might be the thing that’s holding you back today.
The goal should be to hold conviction, lightly. To stay curious enough to let truth reshape you when it needs to. Those moments, when we are brave enough to question what we know, is growth.
Seth: The thing about truth is that there are always multiple ways to interpret an event. A good example? Pregnancy, and what mothers are “supposed” to do or not do.
Carolyn is six months pregnant, and almost every week she’s subject to women telling her what to eat, what not to eat, how to behave. The judgment is relentless. For a lot of women, pregnancy feels black and white. If someone does something that goes against their beliefs, they freak out. She even had a random woman try to take her over-easy eggs because she “knew better.” (Lucky for that woman, I wasn’t there.)
The point is that there are a hundred ways to look at almost anything, and many of them make sense depending on where you’re standing. Be strict with yourself, tolerant of others. Focus on your own life, and let others live theirs.
Carolyn: This leads us into resilience, which in this case, is all about staying flexible enough to change your mind. The most resilient people aren’t the ones who cling to old beliefs or outdated plans; they’re the ones who can adapt, pivot, and rewrite the story when new truth surfaces.
In relationships, it means being open to seeing your partner’s perspective instead of doubling down on your own. In your career, it means being willing to unlearn what used to work and try something new. And in your mental health, it means giving yourself permission to evolve, to outgrow old versions of yourself without guilt. (And in pregnancy, it means keep your opinions to yourself.)
Resilience and growth go hand in hand. One helps you survive change; the other helps you embrace it.
Seth: The beauty of this newsletter is that we get to outgrow our old versions each week. By reading, listening, and learning from others, we’re constantly changing our minds. One idea we’ve embraced is that being proven wrong is a good thing. It’s not always easy to check the ego, but each time we do, we get a little smarter, a little wiser.
Do what you can this week to upgrade your thoughts, form new opinions, and change who you are.
Carolyn: Choose one belief, habit, or assumption you’ve held for years and challenge it. Ask yourself if it still serves the person you’re becoming.
Seth: Each morning this week, remind yourself: I might be wrong. What can I learn today?
Both: Be brave enough to change your mind. Few things signal true strength more than the willingness to evolve.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
"The measure of intelligence is the ability to change."
Albert Einstein
