The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Distance Creates Clarity
- Self-Awareness Only Matters If You Act On It
- Honest Feedback Is A Gift
Seth: Let's all pretend Earth is actually a giant reality TV show, and aliens from different planets are watching us. In this fake scenario, let's also say some of them are continuously watching you. Yes, you, the person reading this sentence.
Now, imagine what they are literally yelling at you to do:
- Don't text him back again! He's clearly a douche!
- Look at this guy, eating another bowl of ice cream! Didn't he say he's trying to lose weight?
- She was flirting with him! How is he missing it?!
- You said you would wake up at 5:00 AM to workout, and now you're binge watching TV until 1:00 AM?!
- This dude is clearly wrong and should just apologize and move on! His ego is insane!
- Look who's scrolling for the 50th time today! Shocker!
- Drink some water for heaven's sake! You literally have a headache every single day!
I could make this entire newsletter about what the audience is yelling at you, but avoidance is kind of the point, isn’t it? So my question is: Which of the above hit home, and how long have you been avoiding it?
Carolyn: Okay, now imagine those aliens aren’t aliens at all, but the people who actually know you. Your family. Your friends. Your coworkers. Your mentor. The people who’ve seen you at your best and your most avoidant. If they were watching your life like a movie, what would they be yelling?
As we all know, not every audience member sees the same story. A parent might be watching and thinking, You’re exhausted, why won’t you slow down before you burn out? A sibling might notice the same patterns you keep repeating and wonder why you’re still surprised by the outcome. A close friend might see exactly what you’re afraid to admit out loud. And a mentor? They usually see the gap between who you are and who you’re capable of becoming, but also where you’re playing small to stay comfortable.
That’s the power of distance. The audience sees the full arc, not just today’s mood or the excuse you tell yourself that somehow feels justified in the moment. And more often than not, the most accurate feedback comes from people who care enough about you to tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Seth: Even without outside feedback, it's your responsibility to be able to figure out what that feedback might be. Sure, hearing it from those people is great, but you should be able to find most of the answers yourself.
For a lot of you, it's probably the same couple of things you keep making excuses for over and over (myself included). You don't have the time or money, you just have bad luck, you're being pulled in too many directions. Whatever you keep telling yourself, those things are holding you back from being your best self.
Self-awareness is nothing without the subsequent action that follows. You and I both know that if your actions continue down a path of comfort, stagnation, and a lack of personal responsibility, you're not doing the right things. Take a self-assessment, be honest with yourself, and stop repeating the behavior that's slow chipping away at you.
Carolyn: To build on Seth’s point above, one of the most frustrating phrases I hear is, “Oh, that’s just John,” or “That’s how Jane is. What do you expect?” I mean… really?
We all know a John or a Jane. Not a bad person, but someone who consistently makes selfish, illogical, or reckless decisions and then reacts poorly when anyone tries to point it out. Over time, people stop telling them the truth. They soften it. They laugh it off. They say things like, “Well, he’s always been like that,” or “She’ll get super defensive if I say something, so I just won’t,” and move on. And while that might keep the peace, it's not helping anyone.
If you’re not self-aware enough to see the truth, and the people around you avoid it because they’re afraid of your reaction or know you’ll just dismiss them, you don’t change. You repeat the same patterns and use the same excuses to get the same outcomes. And somehow, you still feel confused about how you ended up right back where you started.
You know people like this in your life. And if we’re being honest, you might even be enabling them. If you truly love someone, you tell them the truth, regardless of their reaction or whether they want to hear it. Avoiding honesty isn’t kindness; it’s coddling. And when we treat adults like children, they don’t grow, they just become increasingly difficult to deal with.
So here’s the uncomfortable question: are people in your life actually being honest with you, or are they just being agreeable? And have you, intentionally or not, trained the people around you to walk on eggshells instead of telling you the truth?
Seth: I'm trying to be better about that myself because it's what a real friend would do. I have a bad tendency to give people what they want to hear in order to keep the peace, but all it does is reinforce the bad behavior or excuse. So I'm trying to be more direct with my words while still maintaining a respectful approach.
On top of that, I'm trying to get people to do the same with me. In my mind, it starts with having a calm mind regardless of the situation. People need to see me as someone who welcomes constructive criticism and will listen without defensiveness.
So ask yourself how people see you (or the aliens). Do they think you lack enough self-confidence to take real feedback? Do they think your ego is too big to even listen to them? Do they think your anger issues will explode if they say something you don't want to hear? At the end of the day, if you want better feedback, become someone who can hear it.
Carolyn: The good news is you don’t have to rewrite your entire life today. The audience probably isn’t screaming ten different things at you all at once, they’re focused on the one obvious thing.
So all you have to do is change the next scene. That might mean finally having the hard conversation you’ve been avoiding, or stopping the habit you keep justifying, or it might mean admitting the thing you already know but haven’t wanted to say out loud.
I tell Seth all the time that almost every issue in a romantic comedy comes from a lack of communication (once you see it, you can’t unsee it). And real life isn’t much different. Most of the things holding us back aren’t complicated, they’re just ignored.
Awareness is usually the turning point in every good story. Make it the turning point in yours. The only question left is whether you’re willing to take the action to change the next scene.
Seth: After reading this newsletter, I'm sure there is a behavior that you'd like to change. What is the audience yelling at you to do about it? Answer that question, and act on it this week.
Carolyn: Think of one person who would tell you the truth if you let them. Ask them what they see and listen without defending yourself.
Both: Change the next scene and see how your life improves. If you found this newsletter helpful, forward it to a friend!
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Carl Jung
