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41

Testing Your Values

The StoWicks Conversations

by

Seth and Carolyn Wicks

Today's Key Points:

• Frustration Reveals Core Values
• Turning Irritation into Insight
• Live Aligned with Purpose

Seth: Robert Glazer is someone I've been following for years. My Dad forwarded me an email of his back in 2019, and I've been a follower ever since.

A little over a week ago, Glazer dived into something we found fascinating: The Anti-Value Test. The idea is that "a trait is probably a core value for you if the opposite of that characteristic drives you crazy."

A great example is tardiness. If people who are constantly late drive you crazy, it’s probably because you deeply value respect and reliability. To you, being on time isn’t just punctuality, it’s a form of integrity. It got us thinking about what truly pushes our buttons, and what that reveals about who we are.

Carolyn: I used to wonder why certain people just rubbed me the wrong way. I’d think, am I being judgmental? Jealous? But really, they were just living in direct opposition to my core values. That’s the thing, recognizing what triggers you is one of the fastest ways to figure out what you stand for. It’s not really about listing traits you admire, it’s about noticing the ones you can’t stand. When someone constantly breaks their word, it’s not just annoying, it feels like a violation of integrity. Once you see that, you stop labeling people as villains and start realizing what matters most to you.

The Stoics said we can’t control others, only how we interpret them — but when someone keeps acting against your values, it doesn’t just test your patience, it tests your identity. Knowing your “anti-values” helps you protect your peace. I'm not advocating for avoiding people who are different but this is helpful in understanding your boundaries and what’s actually worth your energy.

Seth: I've used ChatGPT almost daily for the past 2 years, so it knows me pretty well by now. I asked it what my core values were, and it gave me these 6:

1. Growth
2. Discipline
3. Integrity
4. Purpose
5. Family
6. Wisdom

Then I asked it what my super villain would look like...and it was eye opening. We all have people in our lives that for some reason give us the ick, and now I better understand why. I get angry and really just don't understand people who choose ease over excellence, distraction over depth, and comfort over calling. Seeing it laid out like that made me realize my frustrations were really just reflections of my values in disguise.

Carolyn: This exercise made me realize how often we label people as “difficult” when really, they’re just living by a different set of values. For me, independence is huge, I believe in contributing, working hard, and taking responsibility for yourself. When I’m around someone who doesn’t share that, it used to frustrate me. Now I see it as a reminder to double down on what I stand for instead of judging what they don’t.

If you notice someone consistently pushing your buttons, pause and ask: what value of mine is being challenged here? That question alone can change how you see people and even how you show up.

Seth: Once you know your anti-values, you can start aligning your habits, relationships, and goals around what truly matters. It’s a filter for how you spend your time, who you spend it with, and what you say yes/no to. Living your values isn’t just about declaring them, it’s about protecting and acting on them daily.

Carolyn: The next time someone frustrates you, try seeing it as a mirror instead of a threat. What are they revealing about what you value most? Awareness is key.

Seth: This week, take your own Anti-Value Test. Write down 3-5 things that constantly irritate or frustrate you, and then figure out their opposites. These will most likely be your core values.

Both: See your values clearly, then act on them daily.

See you next week,
Seth & Carolyn
​The StoWicks

Quote of the Week:

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."

Aristole

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