The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Identity Is Earned
- No Decision Is Neutral
- Small Actions Compound
Seth: My Misogi that I talked about last week is running a 5K in under 20 minutes. That’s the outcome, but more importantly, it represents an identity shift. It’s me choosing to see myself as a runner and endurance athlete. But that future version of me won't just magically show up in 12 months.
The smallest action I can take today is running one mile. I can skip it and tell myself I still have 360 more days to train, but that choice doesn’t cast a vote for who I want to become. My future self will have wanted me to run today. To eat enough protein today. To hydrate today. That’s where this all starts.
Forming habits based on your goals, and the identity required to achieve them, is where the real work happens. It’s not a temporary push. It’s a lifestyle shift. And lifestyles require systems, not motivation.
Carolyn: Something I’ve noticed about goals and New Year’s resolutions is that they’re often massive ideals. They feel inspiring at first, but then the excitement fades, and you start asking yourself, “Where do I even start?” That pressure creates procrastination. Instead of feeling closer to your goal over time, it feels like you’re drifting farther away.
That’s why Seth’s Misogi matters. He isn’t going to become a runner overnight, and thinking about how far he still has to go doesn’t help him start. What helps is breaking that goal into tiny, actionable steps. Most goals don’t fail because people don’t care, they fail because the goal never turns into a habit. And habits are what actually create identity.
Here’s what works: a SMART goal. It’s Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
Examples:
- ❌ “I want to get in shape.”
- ✅ “I will lift weights Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 5:00am for the next 8 weeks.”
- ❌ “I want to eat better.”
- ✅ “I will eat at least 30 grams of protein at breakfast every weekday.”
See the difference? The first one feels nice, but it’s vague and abstract. The second one changes behavior, which eventually changes identity. Specific goals remove decision-making, and decision-making is where most people fall off.
The real connection: habits create identity. You don’t become a runner by saying, “I’m a runner.” You become a runner by running, repeatedly, even when it’s inconvenient. SMART goals give you the habits that collect evidence. Over time, those small actions add up and suddenly, the new identity isn’t aspirational, it’s just who you are.
Seth: My SMART goal for the 5K is that I will run 4 times per week minimum. I play hockey and soccer weekly, so doing it 7 times per week would be unrealistic. If you have goals in mind, make sure they are SMART.
I also want to touch on something that I think gets overlooked or brushed under the rug: There is a massive consequence to every single action you take. There is a tradeoff. No decision has ever been made that did not have a later effect and causality. No decision is neutral.
If I skip a week of runs, what is the consequence? I can tell myself that it's only one week, or that I will get after it next week, but that's not where it ends. The invisible tradeoffs are that I'm telling myself that training is optional, that I choose comfort over progress, that I won't regret it later.
The bottom line is that there is a cost to inaction, to making the easy choices vs the hard ones. Trust in yourself either compounds over time, or deteriorates into never trusting your own word.
Carolyn: As soon as you say "probably" or "later" it’s not going to happen. Confidence isn’t built by intention, it’s built through repeated, aligned action. For me, that means knowing my limits and being honest with myself. I hate lifting after work. I work ten hours a day, and typically after work, the squat racks are full, and by the time I finish, we’re rushing to eat and get ready for bed. Trying to force a goal into a time slot that doesn’t work isn’t discipline, it’s frustration.
The first step is understanding your SMART goal. It has to be achievable. The next step is self-awareness: what can you realistically do consistently? If I set a goal to work out at 6pm every day, I know I won’t do it. The final step is execution. No goal should live in the “probably” category. Build systems that support your actions, respect your limits, and align your habits with the person you actually are. That’s how goals stop being abstract ideas and start shaping your identity.
Seth: Part of understanding who you are and what kind of person you want to be is asking yourself the right questions. You must gain clarity in the morning and reflect on the day at night. Here are some questions to ask yourself for both.
AM:
- What would progress look like today?
- What one action today matters the most?
- What would my future self thank me for today?
- Who do I want to be today?
PM:
- Did my actions align with my values today?
- Did I keep my word to myself?
- What habits served me or didn't serve me?
- Did I earn my own respect today?
These questions hit hard, but they will provide you with the truth. No fluff, no excuses, no way out. Hold yourself accountable and to a higher standard than you did yesterday.
Carolyn: Change comes from clarity, self-awareness, and the small, consistent actions that reinforce the identity you want. Set SMART goals that are specific, achievable, and time-bound. Be honest with yourself about what you can actually do. Then execute the minimum viable action today, one small step that moves you forward.
Every choice matters, and every action casts a vote for the person you’re becoming. If you show up for the small stuff consistently, your habits will start to define your identity. Your goals stop being abstract ideas and become a reflection of who you actually are. Start small. Start now.
Seth: This week, answers the questions I outlined above morning and night. One week, fourteen moments of intention and reflection. See what changes by next weekend.
Carolyn: Write down your SMART goal and your minimum action for today. Commit to it, execute it, and watch how consistent small steps start shaping your identity.
Both: The future requires you, one small, intentional action at a time. Run a mile, prep a meal, or lay out your workout clothes. Then forward this to a friend who wants to level up. Consistency builds identity, and shared action makes it stronger.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
"Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny."
Stephen R. Covey
