The StoWicks Conversations
by
Seth and Carolyn Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Success Comes From Subtraction
- Avoid Behaviors That Ruin You
- Invert Problems To Solve Them
Seth: Most people try to solve problems by charging straight at them. Want to be healthy? Add more workouts. Want more money? Work harder. Want a relationship? Try to be more desirable.
But here’s the way I see it: Most people don’t fail because they didn’t know what to do, they fail because they kept doing the things that ruin it.
What if you approached life backward? What if improving your health, your career, or your marriage wasn’t about adding more, but about avoiding the behaviors that break them?
That’s inversion, and it changes everything.
Carolyn: So let's start with health! Most of us think becoming healthier means doing more. More habits, more routines, more discipline, and while this might be true, the inverse is also true. Instead of asking, “What do I need to start doing?” ask, “What is destroying my health right now?” Because we all have something. Maybe it’s the way you wake up and the first thing you do is pick up your phone, the way you cope when you’re overwhelmed, the way you justify eating poorly, or the way you talk yourself out of movement for your body.
Your answers will be different than mine, and that’s the point. This is an upside down approach that forces you to look honestly at what’s actually holding you back. Subtract the thing that’s hurting you, and you'll be able to create space for the habits that help you.
Seth: The same thing applies to your career. You probably already know what to do to get promoted or close the deal, that’s not the problem. The real question is: What behaviors are silently killing your progress?
- Are you showing up late because you think no one notices?
- Do you make commitments and fail to deliver?
- Do you avoid the extra mile because “it’s not my job”?
- Are you the person who creates friction instead of removing it?
From my perspective, careers rarely fail from a lack of talent, they fail from predictable, avoidable behaviors. Take an honest look at your own work. Are your habits pulling you forward, or quietly burying you?
Carolyn: And then there are relationships: the place where we’re quickest to assume the problem is the other person and slowest to recognize our own patterns. Instead of asking, “How do I make this relationship better?” think about: “What behaviors might be killing the connection?”
Think back to a relationship that didn’t work out. Not the highlight reel of what they did wrong, but the honest version of your part in it. Did you shut down instead of speaking up? Expect your partner to read your mind? Hold onto resentment instead of resolving it? Or compare the relationship to an idealized version in your head? We all have patterns that sabotage closeness without realizing it. And this approach forces you to look inward first. When you identify what you contribute to distance, you give yourself the power to subtract it. By removing the small, destructive habits that quietly erode trust, intimacy, and partnership, you can improve one of the most important areas of your life.
Seth: Personal growth is what you're all here for, and it’s another place where subtraction matters more than addition. Most people try to grow by piling on more books, videos, podcasts, and noise disguised as “self-improvement.” But some growth can come from inverting your thoughts.
Is your screen time insanely high (I'm talking 20 hours on social media)? Are you comfortable 24/7? Are you comparing yourself to strangers every day and wondering why you feel stuck?
You’ll grow faster when you figure out what's holding you back in the first place.
Carolyn: Adding more isn’t always the answer. In fact, most of the time, adding more is just overwhelming. The upside down approach forces you to pause and look at the far more uncomfortable side of the equation: What do I need to subtract? What am I doing that’s working against me?
That question requires self-awareness. It requires humility. It requires being honest enough to say, “I played a role in this,” whether it’s your health, your career, your relationship, or your own growth. This honesty is powerful, because you can’t change what you refuse to see. If you think you’re already doing everything right, you’ll never grow (your ego will make sure of that). But when you identify where you’re falling short and take accountability, you give yourself a chance to actually change. The things you’re doing that aren’t serving you? Stop doing them. Subtract the habits that drain you, distract you, or derail you, and you’ll finally create time for the life you’ve been trying to build. That’s the upside-down approach and it works.
Seth: This week, invert your life. Take 15 minutes today and write down the behaviors that are sabotaging your health, your work, and your relationships. If you want to change your life, start by removing what’s breaking it.
Carolyn: If this hit home, share it with someone who’s been trying to “add more” when subtracting might actually be the key.
Both: Remember, ego is the enemy. You know you're not perfect (we certainty aren't), so make changes today.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
"Avoiding stupidity is easier than seeking brilliance."
Charlie Munger
