The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Confidence Is Self-Trust
- Evidence Builds Identity
- Consistency Creates Certainty
Seth: Confidence might be the most misunderstood trait in today's world. Some people think it’s being the loudest person in the room. Others think it’s never doubting yourself. Some believe it’s thinking you’re better than everyone else. In reality, none of that is true confidence.
The loudest people are often the most insecure (we all know someone like this). Confident people still feel doubt and fear. And truly secure people don’t need to feel superior.
So what exactly is confidence? Are we born with it, or can we somehow build it? And more importantly, does Carolyn have it...? Let’s find out!
Carolyn: If you told me five years ago that I would actually like doing hard, physically demanding things, I would have laughed. I was not the girl signing up for discomfort. I like air conditioning, online shopping, and Pride and Prejudice. Then a month into dating, Seth asked if I wanted to do 75 Hard (lol what?!) and if I’m being honest, I said yes mostly because I really liked him and wasn’t about to let him think I back down from a challenge. It started as pride, but it became something so much deeper.
We had brutal workouts, hard conversations, 5 a.m. alarms, and sometimes when time was an issue, we squeezed in a home workout at 11 p.m. We showed up everyday, with each other for this challenge. Every single day we followed through was a receipt, proof that I could do something uncomfortable, inconvenient, and demanding. That’s when I realized confidence isn’t something you feel before you act; it’s something you build after you act. You don’t become confident before you do the hard thing, you become confident because you did.
Every hard thing completed becomes evidence, and evidence turns into identity. So if you’re waiting to feel ready, don’t. Pick something that stretches you, commit to it, and follow through, because nothing builds confidence faster than proving to yourself that you can do what you said you would do.
Seth: That principle shows up everywhere in my life. Per Carolyn, confidence is something that is built brick by brick, rep by rep. Well, why was I such a confident field goal kicker? For one, I played soccer since I was four years old, so I probably kicked a ball 100,000+ times before turning eighteen. When I lined up to kick a field goal, I was unconsciously competent. No longer did I have to think about what to do, I simply did it, and I did it extremely well. That's true confidence.
The same thing can be said about this newsletter. We've now published every Sunday for 61 straight weeks, even with international travel and welcoming a child into the world. Again, we've acted and kept our word to each other and you, so we are confident that will continue.
Spanish is the opposite end of this. We've been "learning" for a few years now, but haven't consistently put in the work. Some weeks we do daily lessons, and then other weeks we don't touch it. Unsurprisingly, we are not confident Spanish speakers. Sure, we can read at a decent clip, but we can't hold a real conversation.
The lesson here is that keeping or breaking your word to yourself is what builds or destroys confidence. You have things in your own life that you've either built or neglected, and that shows up in your confidence meter. So asking yourself: Is your confidence compounding due to your action, or falling to zero due to your inaction?
Carolyn: When we talk about confidence, it isn’t just internal, it’s relational. Look at your own habits: do you show up on time? Do you follow through? Does your spouse, family, friends, or coworkers actually believe you when you say you’ll do something?
Reliability shapes identity. If you constantly cancel, show up late, or bail because you “don’t feel like it,” your word slowly loses weight, not just to other people, but to you. There’s a difference between a real emergency and casually backing out because it’s inconvenient. People rearrange their schedules to meet with you. They budget time and energy for you. When you don’t honor that, it quietly communicates that their time doesn’t matter. And over time, that erodes trust.
In marriage, we’ve learned this deeply. Trust is built in small, daily consistencies. Doing what you said you would do, being where you said you would be. Following through when no one reminds you (This is huge. You shouldn't have to be reminded to follow through, you're an adult). That consistency builds trust, and trust builds security, and security builds confidence, both in yourself and in your relationships. When other people trust your word, you start trusting it more too.
Seth: I think the single greatest thing that builds self-confidence is doing what you know is right. Every single person reading this newsletter knows that eating a home-cooked meal is healthier than eating fast food. Yet, some will make excuses as to why they need to eat the fast food. I'm not here to discuss the excuses, just to point out that they exist. Almost any time you have to justify a decision, it's the wrong decision.
- "I would have stood up to that bully, but everyone else was doing it."
- "I just don't have the time to cook at home, so I'll eat Taco Bell for dinner."
- "The gym is closed today, so I don't need to workout".
Look, I'll be the first to tell you that every single person does this, us included. However, it's the people who justify wrong decisions the least that have the most confidence. They aren't at odds with themselves. They know what is right, and they do it. So stop negotiating with yourself and your values/principles. Be good, today and every day. That's how a confident person lives.
Carolyn: So how do you build confidence? You do hard things, and you do the right things.
You keep your word.
You honor your commitments.
You live in alignment with your values.
Confidence sometimes gets a bad reputation, but it isn’t arrogance, it’s self-trust. It’s earned evidence. It’s the peace that comes from knowing you’re becoming 1% better each day. It strengthens your marriage. It sharpens you at work. It changes how you carry yourself in every room.
I know because I’ve lived it. I went from having very little confidence to becoming deeply confident simply by proving to myself that I could do what I said I would do. That self-trust has bled into every area of my life: work, pregnancy, birth, marriage, and now motherhood. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it compounds. And the version of you on the other side is steadier, stronger, and happier.
Seth: Consistency drives confidence. Whatever is on your daily habit list, make it a clean 7/7 this week.
Carolyn: This week, pick one hard thing and finish it. No excuses. No negotiating. Prove to yourself that your word means something.
Both: Become the person whose word carries weight. Start today.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
"The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way."
Marcus Aurelius
