The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Be Aware of Your Mortality
- Be Present with Others
- Balance Discipline with Living
Seth: We are called The StoWicks, so we would be remiss to not include some of our favorite Stoic practices. One of these is the phrase Memento Mori, which means "remember that you must die."
First, I want to say that we aren't trying to be pessimistic or depressing, and neither were the Stoics. They repeated this phrase because it brings clarity to how we life. It's hard to waste time when you know it's limited and temporary. You stop sweating the small things. You forget about your political rage and petty arguments. Time with loved ones becomes more cherished.
So how can you start thinking more about death and mentally preparing for yours and everyone else's?
Carolyn: When you finally grow up a little and realize you won’t live forever, something shifts. I remember when that realization started to sink in for me. I began talking to Seth more about death. At first it felt strange, since it really isn’t a topic I had ever spent much time thinking about before. But over time I’ve come to understand that it’s simply part of life.
The more I think about it, the more I realize how little time we actually have, especially with the people we love. And when you accept that none of it is guaranteed, it changes the way you interact with others.
You start saying the things you're thinking instead of assuming you'll say them someday. You tell people you love them more often. You thank people for what they've done for you, especially the family and friends who have shaped your life.
It’s worth pausing every now and then to recognize how grateful you are for the people around you. I now know that nothing is guaranteed. And one day, there will be things you wish you had said to someone you can no longer say them to.
One thing Seth does really well is this: when a friend crosses his mind, he sends a text. Just to check in or say we’re thinking about them. Don’t wait for a reason. “Thinking of you” is reason enough.
Seth: Another thing that has changed for us, and something that is difficult to talk about, is that we are now parents, which means we have never had less control over Fate in our entire lives. Any parent knows this, but it rarely gets talked about: we may outlive our child.
The Stoics would say that we must prepare ourselves mentally for the possibility, but the truth is, some losses are impossible to fully prepare for. There is no amount of rehearsal or acknowledgment that can truly prepare you for something of this magnitude.
The main thing we can do, however, is be present with him. To feel grateful and privileged every single moment we are with him. Even when I'm changing his diaper for the third time in fifteen minutes because he keeps pooping (which has happened multiple times), there are zero negative thoughts. How could there be? He's my son, and every moment is a gift. The simple act of his being is enough to bring tears to my eyes. He is our greatest blessing, and we will always cherish time spent with him.
Carolyn: So let this be your sign to put the phone down, say yes a little more often, and show up when you’re able. Don’t assume you’ll always get another chance at those moments later.
You never know when it will be the last time: the last hug, the last laugh, the last conversation with someone you care about, and yes, even the last diaper change.
Take a moment to zoom out and get outside of yourself. This isn’t a time to be selfish with your time or attention. It’s a reminder to be present and show up for the people around you.
Your village, your community, the people who make up your life won’t always be here. And neither will you. So be there while you can.
Seth: Something we are working on, and encourage others to work on, is finding a balance between routine and spontaneity. We love our routine and the systems that support it. It's what keeps us in shape and on track with our self-improvement journey. However, we don't want to be so focused on discipline that we forget to actually live our lives.
Sometimes the better choice is saying yes to a double date instead of sticking to the schedule. It's kind of how we look at our diet. If we eat healthy 90% of the time, we can do whatever we want the other 10%. So sticking to those numbers, maybe we stick with our routine 90% of the time and break it the other 10%.
The main thing I want to stress is that the routine and habits won't go away if you miss them once, but that moment with your friends or family will. Memento Mori reminds us that self-improvement matters, but so do the people in our lives.
Carolyn: Sometimes when we talk about death, people think it sounds pessimistic or dark, but death is simply part of life. As Leto grows up, I hope we can have honest conversations with him about it so he develops an understanding of what it means and why it’s okay to talk about. I don’t want him to fear it, but to learn that just like taxes (although he may not understand that one just yet), it’s one of life’s certainties. And when you accept that truth, it actually reminds you how precious each moment is. Every conversation, every hug, every ordinary Sunday. It all matters. The people you love are here today, but they won’t be here forever, and I want him, and myself, to always remember that.
Seth: Even with Leto, Carolyn and I make it a priority to go on a date every Thursday while my parents watch him. This week, schedule a date night with your spouse, just the two of you. The routine can wait, but your relationship shouldn't.
Carolyn: Before you move on with your day, think of one person you care about and send them a quick message. No special reason, just let them know you’re thinking of them.
Both: This week, practice a little Memento Mori. Appreciate the people in front of you, say what you mean to say, and don’t assume you’ll always have another chance.
Send this to someone who you think would resonate with this message.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”
Marcus Aurelius
