The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Opinions are Forming
- Consistent Action, Not Performance
- Care About How You Live
Seth: I subscribe to a handful of email lists from well-known authors and "thought leaders". Yet, most of them will eventually say the same thing: Nobody is thinking about you, so go do the thing.
While I agree with the second half of this advice, the first simply isn't true. People are thinking about you. I mean, do you think about other people? Hopefully the answer is yes, otherwise you may need to look in the mirror and evaluate if you're incredibly self-centered.
To put it another way, people aren't thinking about you all the time, but they are forming opinions about your words and actions constantly. So how do we navigate the world knowing both are true?
Carolyn: Take a minute to reflect on it. You know that you are not thinking about other people all the time (let's be real, nobody has time for that). However, you do think about people from time to time. You form opinions on others based on consistency, reliability, their energy, their vibe. The friend who makes plans and always cancels, the friend who always follows through, the friend who dresses really well, the friend who is always complaining.
People might not be thinking about you daily, but they do remember how you make them feel, how you show up, and the energy you bring to the room. So while you’re not the center of everyone’s thoughts, you are quietly building an impression in every interaction, whether you realize it or not.
Seth: This really all ties back into something that you must build, and guard, for the rest of your life: your reputation. I think it's worth dissecting this word because I feel like there is some confusion when it comes to reputation.
First, nobody cares what car you drive. Or how big your house is, or how much money you make, or how many Instagram followers you have. These things might get fleeting attention, but what we are after is respect.
What people do care about is your words, deeds, and habits over time. People are really good at pattern recognition, so they know who's reliable, disciplined, and trustworthy. Equally important, they also know who isn't.
The overlooked part of this is that you don't get to decide what your reputation actually is. Your actions are what decide it. People will form their opinions about you, so focus on what's within your circle of influence and let go of the rest (which is where some people take it too far).
Carolyn: If you have a hard time letting go of other people's opinions, to Seth's point, you're doing yourself a disservice. This is where people get it wrong. They hear “people are forming opinions about you,” and suddenly they start overthinking everything. They hesitate to post, hold back from speaking up, avoid going after something they actually want, all because they’re worried about how it might be perceived. They start trying to be liked by everyone and lose themselves along the way. But caring about your reputation is very different than performing for approval. One is built on your actions and values over time, the other is driven by fear in the moment. And the more you chase approval, the less clear your reputation actually becomes.
Seth: Something that Carolyn and I discussed early in our marriage, and still fully agree on, is that in order attract a certain type of person, you have to be that person's type. Another way of framing it: If you want someone disciplined, you have to be disciplined yourself. If you're looking for someone driven, you have to be driven yourself.
The same holds true here. We aren't asking you to put on some performance. We are asking you to be the person you think and want to be in your own mind. Part of our reputation as a couple is that we are extremely focused on our health and wellbeing. It is not because we write this newsletter. It's due to the fact that we consistently take action on being healthy and stick to what we say we are going to do. If we tell our friends we are doing 75 Hard again, they will believe us and actually help us stay accountable and on track.
That's how reputation works. It's built on what is repeated, not claimed. So act in a way that is in line with who you want to be. Don't talk about it, live it.
Carolyn: So yes, people are thinking about you. But if you do what you say you’re going to do, if you show up in a positive way, if you’re reliable and consistent, it stops feeling so heavy. When your actions align with who you say you are, you stop worrying so much about how you’re being perceived. You move differently. You take more risks. You speak more honestly. Because you have confidence in yourself and you trust how you show up.
People will always have opinions, but you don’t need to live for them. Focus on being someone worth respecting, and let your actions speak over time. Earn it through your actions, then go live your life.
Seth: Don’t worry about what people think of you today. Worry about whether your actions are worth respecting. Then act.
Carolyn: Take a minute today and ask yourself: What patterns am I building right now?
Both: This newsletter is a great example of reputation - we will be in your inbox every Sunday and at this point, you can count on it. Let us know if you have a topic you'd like discussed and we'll add it to the stack!
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
“The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.”
Socrates
