The StoWicks Conversations
by
Seth and Carolyn Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Communicate Before Problems Arise
- Weekly Check-In's Prevent Resentment
- Mutual Accountability Strengthens Connections
Seth: Men aren't great communicators. Well, that might not be entirely true, but there’s a stereotype. We bottle things up, avoid talking about feelings, or try to fix everything instead of just listening. On the flip side, we might be expected to remember something our partner said back in 2019—verbatim. Let me tell you right now: I won’t remember.
All of this to say, there are a million ways couples get mixed up and end up on different pages. And last time I checked, Professor X doesn’t exist and nobody can read minds. So the question becomes: How can my partner and I actually communicate clearly and stay aligned in our lives?
Carolyn: Most couples wait until something is wrong to talk. We don't. Our weekly 1-on-1's are how we keep little things from turning into big things. It's not a therapy session, it is 30 minutes were we check in on us. What's working, what's not, and what we each need this week. Sometimes it's deep, sometimes it's just laughing and celebrating wins.
Because we do it every week, resentment doesn't have a chance to grow and build. We leave knowing that we are on the same page. We also make sure to appreciate each other, out loud, so gratitude stays front and center. We are actively working to protect the relationship from the slow drift that happens when life gets busy. Our 1-on-1's are the reason we can handle the storms, and frankly the reason they show up less often.
Seth: The first thing we cover is the past week, specifically, whether we hit our goals. We usually set 3-5 things we want to accomplish (like writing this newsletter), and reviewing them keeps us focused and accountable. Sometimes one of us hits every single goal while the other barely gets 1 or 2...and the competitor in us hates it. But that’s part of the point. It pushes us to step it up.
Next, we talk about any new experiences we want to try. It could be a fresh date night idea, a new recipe one of us found, or even something simple like catching a movie at the local theater. The goal is to break out of autopilot. New experiences slow down time, make memories stick, and keep life feeling exciting. We aim for 1-2 new things every week.
Carolyn: Our next question is: “What would make you feel loved or appreciated this week?” The beauty of asking it weekly is that the answer can change depending on what’s going on in our lives right now. After that, we ask, “Are there any distractions we can get rid of?” This is a good one because it’s a weekly reminder of what we each need to work on—whether it’s less screen time…or less Fortnite (Seth 🙄).
Then comes another favorite: “Do you need any extra support or accountability?” I love this because it takes the guesswork out of helping each other. If I know I’m going to be at the office early all week, I can say, “Hey, can you make breakfast every morning?” That way, I’m not silently fuming at 6 a.m. when he’s not cooking eggs—because we’ve already talked about it, he knows why, and he’s agreed to help. It works both ways.
Support can also mean accountability. He asks me every day, “Did you hit 10k steps?” I ask him, “What have you read or learned today?” We push each other to follow through on the things we’ve committed to. It’s how we keep growing—not just as individuals, but as a couple.
Seth: The next question can be tricky for some couples, but that’s exactly why it needs to be asked: "Are we on track with our finances?" Talking about money and spending isn’t always fun, but hard conversations are necessary. We use a shared budgeting app and track our spending daily, so it’s easy to see each week whether we’ve stayed disciplined.
Then comes one of my favorite questions: "How is our relationship going?" Most weeks, we both say 10/10. If not, we talk about what’s off and how we can get back to feeling fully connected. Life gets busy, and this question pulls us back in.
We also ask: "Is there anything I can be better at for you?" Over the years, we’ve built a running list in this section that we revisit weekly. For me, it’s things like Carolyn holding me accountable on certain habits. For her, it helps when I simply say, “I’m thinking through something right now,” instead of leaving her to guess what’s on my mind. In other words, it’s communication. And since I’m a guy, let’s just say it’s still a work in progress.
Carolyn: When we talk about the "Aspects of our relationship to nurture", it’s all about what we want to keep doing or start doing. This part is fun because we get to dream a little, decide together what we believe a healthy relationship should look like, and then commit to it. Things like quality time, date nights, our 1-on-1’s, respecting each other, learning together. It can be whatever you want it to be, as long as you both agree and you actually follow through. We reread our list every week, which keeps it fresh in our minds and reminds us what we’re building toward.
Lastly, we talk about ways to enhance our communication so we can better understand each other’s needs. You can take this in a lot of directions, but my favorite is what we call “how to deal with conflict". Over time (and plenty of arguments), we figured out what doesn’t work for us and wrote down ground rules for how to communicate in conflict. Some of ours is: no name-calling or cursing, speak as a team, remember that ego is the enemy, and talk things out as soon as they come up so they don’t build into something bigger.
It might sound silly, but I’m convinced poor communication is the downfall of every couple in every romantic comedy. We know each other’s styles now, so when something comes up, we work through it using our outline. It keeps us on topic, reduces the drama, and helps us resolve things almost immediately—every single time.
We talk about this all the time, strong relationships aren’t built in big, grand gestures, they’re built in small, intentional moments like this, week after week. Our 1-on-1’s aren’t about fixing problems; they’re about staying connected so the problems never get too big to fix. We’ve learned that when you consistently check in, appreciate each other, and talk about what matters before it becomes an issue, you’re not just saving your relationship, you’re strengthening it for the long haul. Because the best time to save your relationship is before it needs saving.
Seth: Pick a time this week to sit down with your partner, even just 15 minutes, and ask these three questions: How was our week? How is our relationship? How can I be better for you?
Carolyn: If you try this, here’s the key: make it specific, make it doable, and make it mutual. The question isn’t “How can you be perfect for me?” It’s “What small, realistic thing could make this week better for us both?”
Both: The more you practice, the easier it is to speak up, ask for what you need, and actually deliver for each other.
See you next week,
Seth & Carolyn
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
"The best time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining."
John F. Kennedy
