The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Perspective Changes Everything
- Discipline Is Self-Respect
- Grace Grows Relationships
Seth: Life has a funny way of recalibrating your entire mind overnight. This past Tuesday, 2/11/2026, Carolyn and I welcomed our son, Leto, into the world. With him came a perspective shift that people had always told me would happen, but one I couldn't understand until the moment arrived.
A few days later, driving home on DFW roads, something strange happened. My usual impatience was completely gone. Sure, I didn't take any highways nor was I in a rush whatsoever, but usually someone does something that irritates me (this is DFW we're talking about here). The change was that I wasn’t just aware that other drivers might be dealing with something important, I felt it.
I got cut off a few times and it didn’t matter. Maybe they were late, or maybe they were carrying their entire world in their car, just like I was. For the first time in my life, tolerance wasn’t something I had to practice or work hard to accomplish. It was something I fully embodied.
Carolyn: This is the Stoic principle I struggle with the most. And if I’m being honest, motherhood exposed that in me almost immediately.
For years I said I would never be the mom who hovers. I wasn’t going to be the anxious one. I wasn’t going to panic over every bump in the road or every tiny sound in the backseat. And then we put Leto in the car to drive home… and I checked to make sure he was breathing more times than I can count. On a 45-minute drive. I cried twice. (Hormones… but still.) Every small squeak felt like an alarm going off in my body.
I became the very thing I said I wouldn’t be.
But now I understand. I understand what it feels like to have your heart living outside of your body. I understand why moms worry. I understand how love can override logic in an instant. And I’m having a hard time not crying while writing this because the shift happened that fast.
It’s humbling to realize how quickly perspective changes when your circumstances change. And it makes me think about how many other people are carrying something I can’t see. If motherhood can transform me overnight, what might someone else be walking through that I don’t fully understand?
Grace, especially for others, starts there.
Seth: Perspective creates tolerance for others. Discipline creates respect for yourself. One thing I want to make clear before I dive into my next section is that we're readers of this newsletter too. We write about what we’re actively working on in our own lives, and this topic is no exception. Neither of us is perfect, but we are committed to getting better.
That leads me into being strict with yourself. Something I've added to my life is an Anchor Phrase. It's something that refocuses my mind and brings me back to what matters:
"I do not negotiate with weakness; I execute what I committed to."
Weakness in this context is breaking your word to yourself. Don Miguel Ruiz talks about this in the Four Agreements. The first and most important one is Be Impeccable with Your Word. If you set standards for yourself, you don’t get to abandon them when things get hard.
We talk a lot about identity on here, and there is no faster way of losing yourself than constantly breaking promises to yourself. So cut out the excuses and weakness and hold the most important person accountable: The person in the mirror.
Carolyn: When you’re strict with yourself and tolerant with others, you start to learn how to let things go. This has been one of the biggest lessons in our marriage. Letting go of something your partner did years ago, because honestly, who cares? Who are you to keep acting as judge and jury? And who actually wants to live with that kind of resentment in their heart? That’s a recipe for long-term unhappiness.
This doesn’t just apply to marriage, it applies to every relationship. Scorekeeping keeps relationships small. Holding onto friction just so you can stay “right” doesn’t make you strong, it makes you stuck. When your ego is too big to release something, you become part of the problem, no matter how justified you feel. So choose differently. Choose understanding over correction and winning.
Seth: One thing many of us are doing this week is watching the Olympics. It’s breathtaking what these athletes are capable of. Take Johannes Høsflot Klæbo sprinting uphill on skis at a sub–six-minute mile pace! He's now sitting at three gold medals and counting.
While his Olympic performances are extraordinary, it’s the work done before the spotlight that made them possible. Klæbo is relentless with his inputs, and his outputs reflect that discipline.
But beyond the medal count, every Olympian is a champion. Even the athlete who places eighth has more in common with the gold medalist than with the millions of people watching from the couch. That’s not luck. That’s years of hard work, sacrifice, discipline, and personal responsibility. Every Olympian is a living embodiment of being strict with yourself.
So take the lesson. Work relentlessly on your own standards. Pursue your goals with discipline. Let others walk their own path. And if you find yourself being intolerant of others, it’s usually a sign you’ve gone soft on yourself. It’s easy to judge from the sidelines. But when you’re truly working on yourself, you don’t have the time to judge anyone else. So get after it, starting today.
Carolyn: Seth and I hold ourselves to high standards. We want to grow. We want to improve. But we’re learning that growth isn’t just about pushing harder over and over again, it’s about softening where we’ve been too rigid with others. It’s a daily practice to check my judgment, to pause before reacting, and to choose patience. When you’re strict with yourself, others feel safe. When you’re tolerant with others, relationships grow.
Seth: This week, create your own Anchor Phrase. It could be a verse from the Bible or something you create yourself. Either way, have a sentence that you can repeat to yourself over and over when times get tough or your mind tells you to quit.
Carolyn: And then ask yourself: Where am I judging someone whose full story I don’t know?
Both: In a world that constantly tries to divide us, choose to step into someone else’s shoes. See the world from their perspective. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find understanding and a little more grace for yourself too.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
"Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself."
Marcus Aurelius
