The StoWicks Conversations
by
Carolyn and Seth Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Your Life Reflects Your Priorities
- Self-Care Is a Responsibility
- Strong Marriages Build Strong Families
Seth: “Everything changes when you have a kid. They come first now.” Carolyn and I have heard this a lot lately, and we actually think that's wrong.
If we put Leto first 24/7, when are we supposed to take care of ourselves? Is it better for him to have parents who are overweight, tired, and disconnected? Or parents who are healthy, energized, and deeply connected to each other?
The mindset of "Kids come first" is a noble sentiment, but that line of thinking is backwards. Having a kid makes prioritizing that much more important, but this applies whether you have a kid or not.
Carolyn: So what actually comes first? You do. You have to.
I’m not sure when taking care of yourself became labeled as “selfish,” but it’s not, it’s a responsibility. Your physical health fuels your energy, your capability, and your ability to show up for the people in your life. It’s what allows you to stay independent as you age and protect against disease. But it goes beyond that. Your mental health matters just as much: your patience, your presence, your emotional stability.
And all of it bleeds into everything. If you don’t take care of yourself physically, you limit what you’re capable of, whether that’s showing up fully at work or having the energy to keep up with your life. And as a parent, it’s even more real, if your child runs toward the street, you need to be able to react.
If you neglect your mental health, you become burned out, exhausted, and disconnected, and that shows up everywhere. In your work. In your relationships. In the way you show up at home.
So no, taking time for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. If you run yourself into the ground for everyone else, you don’t become a better mom, partner, or person…you become a depleted one.
Seth: We are and always will be at our physical best for Leto, each other, and ourselves. But the next priority after health still isn't him.
For us, our marriage must come next. It is the foundation of a healthy home. We didn't have Leto to fix our marriage, and we certainly didn't get married to have Leto. We got married because we love each other, and Leto is a byproduct of that love. Now that he's here, it would be detrimental to put our marriage on the back burner and solely focus on him.
Leto doesn't need more attention - he will get plenty from us. What he will need is a healthy example of love, of a father loving his wife unconditionally and vice versa. I would rather he grow up wondering if he’ll ever find what his parents have, than grow up hoping he never does.
Carolyn: This is something that’s incredibly important to both of us as Leto grows up.
I don’t want him to believe that becoming a parent means sacrificing everything. I don’t want him to learn that adulthood is about losing yourself, or that your dreams and goals take a backseat the moment you have a family. And I definitely don’t want him to think that love looks like depletion.
Love looks like a mom who takes care of herself so she can show up the right way for her family. It looks like parents who prioritize their marriage so the very reason they got married in the first place stays strong. It looks like two people who are fulfilled, energized, and aligned.
Our goal isn't to just "raise a child", it's to show him what life well-lived looks like. And one day, when he builds a life of his own, we want him to build it the same way.
Seth: There's a few common phrases I love that I'll share below:
- “You have 100 problems until you have a health problem. Then you only have one.”
- “A healthy person has many wishes; a sick person only one.”
So prioritize your health first. It is the foundation for everything else in your life. Then your partner. Then your children. Again, this doesn't mean the children aren't deeply loved or prioritized in care. It means protecting the structure that supports your child.
Carolyn: Our son will never question if he’s loved. He will grow up seeing what a healthy life looks like. He will see what a strong, connected marriage looks like. He will feel the stability that comes from two parents who take care of themselves and each other.
And it’s important that he’s third, not because he matters less, but because he deserves the strongest, healthiest, and happiest versions of us. We’re putting him in the best position to thrive.
Seth: Take 3 minutes today and write this down:
- What am I doing daily for my health?
- What am I doing daily for my relationship?
- What am I doing daily for others?
If any of those are out of order, fix them.
Carolyn: Take a minute today and ask yourself, are your priorities in the right order? And if they’re not, what’s one thing you can change this week to fix it?
Both: Build your life in the right order and everything else gets stronger.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
“The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother”
Theodore Hesburgh
