The StoWicks Conversations
by
Seth and Carolyn Wicks
Today's Key Points:
- Prepare for Challenging People
- Don't Take Things Personally
- Kindness Always Wins
Carolyn: Every day, something will go wrong. Someone will cut you off in traffic. Someone will speak to you rudely. Something you were counting on will fall through. And yet, we act surprised, offended even, when life does exactly what it’s always done.
The Stoics called this premeditatio malorum — the premeditation of evils. Not pessimism, but preparation. It’s the mental armor that lets you walk through the chaos of everyday life without being thrown by it.
If you expect people to drive poorly, you won’t lose your peace when they do. If you expect plans to change, you won’t spiral when they fall apart. If you expect that misfortune will come (as it always does) you’ll be ready when it arrives. The goal isn’t to live untouched by difficulty. It’s to stop being surprised by it.
Seth: Speaking of poor drivers, Carolyn will be the first to tell you I have road rage. People are braking on the highway because they got scared of the fresh air in front of them or are cutting me off only to stay in the lane afterward. Like, WHY? I'll never know, but that's not the point. What matters is my response to these...challenged drivers. They aren't being idiots on purpose, that's just the way they are. Marcus Aurelius said it best: "Say to yourself in the early morning: I shall meet today inquisitive, ungrateful, violent, treacherous, envious, uncharitable men."
People will challenge you daily, it's a guarantee and completely outside of your control. You do, however, have the power to choose your response. You can choose to forgive your fellow man and understand that again, they do these things out of ignorance. You know better, so be better (my road rage has gotten better, right Carolyn?).
Carolyn: We should keep working on it...lol. The truth is, peace is something you practice. When you expect the world to be messy, your emotions stop depending on how neatly it behaves. You stop feeling blindsided by life because you’ve already accepted its terms. True strength isn’t about controlling what happens (because you can't control it), but mastering how you meet it. When you begin each day expecting challenges, you’re no longer thrown off course. You’re just responding to what you already knew was coming. That’s not resignation; that’s readiness.
Seth: Part of that readiness is understanding that people aren’t evil, and that’s not the point of this newsletter. People are, however, oblivious and running on autopilot.
We all know people who take everything personally, and we roll our eyes when they talk about something that we have all experienced. Someone scheduled a meeting that could've been an email? No way! There is a person with 87 items in the "10 or less items" checkout? How could they! Someone else gave you unsolicited parenting advice? Shocker!
We have all dealt with these people, and at their core they are not evil. They're human, and humans act irrationally (if you haven't, write a book titled The Bible 2). Simply put, there is nobody plotting against you. Everyone is simply doing the best they can, so have some compassion and patience.
Carolyn: Tomorrow morning, before the day even starts, try this, take 30 seconds and remind yourself: Something will go wrong today. Someone might be rude. Something might not go as planned. And that’s okay. When those moments come, you’ll already be expecting them, which means they won’t steal your peace. You’ll catch yourself thinking, Ah, there it is. I knew this would happen. And instead of reacting, you’ll respond calmly, intentionally. That tiny shift changes everything.
Seth: We've talked about the mental benefits of welcoming our emotions and how misfortune is an illusion, but we really want to emphasize that you must prepare for adversity and always act with kindness.
Kindness might be the most underrated human trait out there, but try acting on it more, especially in the hard times. It's easy to be kind when you're having a perfect day, but separate yourself from others by showing more compassion and kindness on your off days. Be the calm in the storm.
Carolyn: Try this for one week, expect misfortune every morning, then share what you notice. How much lighter does life feel when nothing catches you off guard?
Seth: Change yourself while you're at it. Try to notice when you're on autopilot this week or when you've acted irrationally. Don't be the person someone else rolls their eyes at.
Both: Adversity is coming, meet it like you knew it would.
See you next week,
Carolyn & Seth
The StoWicks
Quote of the Week:
"What is quite unlooked for is more crushing in its effect, and suddenness adds to the weight of a misfortune."
Seneca